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Clarence Colton
"I'm just the Middleman." *Clarence Colton Clarence Colton, Jr. is the real name of the modern-day Middleman. Biography Early Life Colton was born in the United States, and possibly raised in Michigan (as he refers to attending Ann Arbor High School). He was a lineman on his high school football team, but in a game his senior year, he allowed himself to be distracted by a romantic moment he envisioned with his sweetheart, and consequently his quarterback was sacked and had his knee broken. This event had a profound impact on Colton's outlook on life; he had seen firsthand the damage that becoming too focused on oneself, and not the task at hand, could cause. It is unknown whether Clarence attended college or not, but at some point he joined the United States Navy, becoming a Navy SEAL. He served in the Navy until one mission when his commanding officer ordered him to retreat and leave his team to die. Instead, Clarence saved his team, returned to base, and beat up the commanding officer. Middle Trainee Shortly thereafter, Clarence was recruited into the Middle Organization by Raveena Rao, the Middleman of the day. He trained under Sensei Ping, becoming Sensei Ping's favorite apprentice and mastering techniques of which no student before had been capable. Clarence and Raveena served honorably together, fighting evil and righting wrongs. Immediately after leaving the SEALs, Clarence was a hot-headed young man, wearing his hair long with a mullet and goatee. However, training and serving with Raveena changed him, softening his temperament and imparting in him the core belief that service was greater than self. In time, the two came to realize that they had fallen in love. After years of fighting evil, however, Raveena Rao contracted T-cell prolymphotic leukemia. She struggled through the disease, remaining strong to the end and even hopeful, but eventually the disease became too much and she died. The Middleman Devastated, Clarence Colton became the new Middleman. He shaved his goatee, cut his hair short, and changed his uniform to match his late love's, an Eisenhower jacket. He also swore an oath to "live clean, forsake all vice and profanity, and do his work without failure...in her honor". He hoped, secretly, that by holding himself to an exactingly high standard, he might be worthy to reunite with Raveena in the afterlife. It is unclear how long the Middleman served alone; his statement that "The service the Underworld has gone to pot!" suggests he may have visited it once before the events of "The Accidental Occidental Conception". The Middleman eventually decided that he needed to recruit a sidekick, a trainee as he had once been. After screening potentials, including Tyler Ford, he recruited Wendy Watson, impressed with her high threshold for the unexplained and ability to accept the impossible. Cases Below is a brief overview on the recent cases involving the Middleman and Wendy Watson. The Pilot Episode Sanction All over town Mobsters were being mysteriously executed, and the only clue left behind was a single banana peel at each of the crime scenes. Ida scans the peels and detects genetically enhanced simian D.N.A. on them. So the Middleman and Wendy headed off to the one place in town where they could find genetically enhanced simians. The team arrives at Simiontics Labs where Dr. Gibbs has been experimenting on gorilla brains to increase their higher brain functions. The Lab's cages are filled with gorilla's reciting poetry, painting or otherwise making some sort of art, except for one cage, the ape Spanky's which was empty. Upon investigation, the Middleman and Wendy discover a secret passage which leads down to a room filled with mobster movie memorabilia, leading them to the conclusion that Spanky has been behind the murders. The Middleman and Wendy track down Spanky who escapes into the local zoo and discards his voice box. After a futile day of searching, Wendy returns to her illegal sublet to find a banana peel in front of her door, she calls the Middleman. After detaining the ape they discover he has obtained a new voice box; which could only mean that Dr. Gibbs was behind the whole thing. So the team breaks into the labs and destroys the supercomputer which controls the apes and foils Gibbs' plan to take over the world with an army of hyper-intelligent apes, thus saving the world. The Accidental Occidental Conception A magical Earth Elemental Chinese Terracotta Warrior shows up to kidnap the heir to the Qin Dynasty and doom the Earth to 1000 years of raining fire. The Middleman, who may be an expert with aliens and martial arts, apparently has one area of weakness; the supernatural. So he employs the aide of Roxy Wasserman. Roxy begins to prepare the only thing which can destroy the Earth elemental, a Vial of Aquatic Banishment. While Wendy is preparing to depart to China, she lets slip to Lacey that she is going to be working with Roxy, this infuriates Lacey who is opposed to how Roxy is keeping fur in style. Lacey confronts Roxy, but ends up impressing her with her fashion knowledge and ends up with a job. Roxy sends her to get Tahiti water for the vial of aquatic banishment. Meanwhile, Ida discovers that the heir to the Qin dynasty is not in China, but is a local boy named Duncan, and isn't the least bit Asian. The Middleman and Wendy rush to Duncan's school and rescue him just in time from the Terracotta Warrior. They take him back home in the Middlemobile, where Lacey is waiting with what she thinks is a bottle of "Skin Treatment" for the Middleman. However, Lacey and her neighbor Noser have filled the vials with tap water to lower it's carbon footprint. The Warrior arrives and overpowers the Middleman, Wendy and their useless, but still ecological vial. The Warrior kidnaps Duncan and heads off to the Underworld. With Roxy's help and a new vial of aquatic banishment the Middleman and Wendy race to the Underworld and in a final confrontation, destroy the Terracotta Warrior, thus saving the world. The Sino-Mexican Revelation Sensei Ping is coming from his home with the Clan of the Pointed Stick to turn Wendy into a Man-Killer. However the Middleman gets red ball from O2STK, La Cage De Lumiere has been stolen, while the Middleman is busy with the diamond caper, he must send Wendy to go pick up Sensei Ping at the airport. After being heavily criticized Wendy, who is no longer paying attention drives straight into a trap set up a several Mexican Luchadores. The wrestlers knock Wendy unconscious and capture Sensei Ping using the very diamond that the Middleman was searching for. By the time the Middleman arrives it is too late and the luchadores have escaped. The Middleman knows that El Maestro De Ceremonies and his associate El Comelon are behind the kidnapping, wishing to satisfy a decade old blood-feud between Sensei Ping and the Luchadores. The Middleman warns Wendy that if Sensei Ping is not rescued then the Clan of the Pointed Stick will send assassins to kill all of those responsible for Sensei's kidnapping, including the Middleman and Wendy. The Middleman then leaves Wendy behind and travels to the Dread Pyramid of Itzilichlitlichlitzl to rescue Sensei Ping. Upon reaching the pyramid, the Middleman too is kidnapped, so Wendy, ignoring Ida's advice to leave the country takes the Middle-jet to go and rescue the Middleman and the Sensei. Meanwhile, Sensei Ping is allowed to choose a champion to fight the Luchadores champion to win his freedom, he of course chooses the Middleman. The Luchadores send out Cien Mascaras, who was once a man who wore 100 masks, but now due to a curse he received is 100 men who all have to wear the same mask. After a furious battle, the last of the Cien Mascaras prepare to finish the Middleman when Wendy arrives and breaks Sensei Ping's prison of light. Sensei Ping then removes the mask of El Sapo Doradoand proceeds to defeat all of the Luchadores, saving the Wu-Han Thumb of Death for El Maestro De Ceremonies, thus saving the world. The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum For 6 months, people in the upscale part of town had been mysteriously disappearing and in more then one case reappearing without their head. Upon asking the HEYDAR Ida determined that all of the victims shared a plastic surgeon named Dr. Newleaf. The Middleman and Wendy confronted the Dr. at his office, the Middleman offered him a rare diamond he had back at the Middleman headquarters. Dr. Newleaf took the jewel and proceeded to devour it. Being as it was pop-quiz day the Middleman allowed Wendy to attempt to handle the situation. Upon realizing that he was compromised the Dr. called for security, and Wendy pulled her gun. The Middleman interrupted, apologizing for Wendy's rash action, and explained that Dr. Newleaf was a Manicoid, an alien whose anatomy was almost identical to a human's with the exception of their especially wide mouth. After a discussion with Dr. Newleaf, the Middleman gave him his Middle-watch, explaining that is was a symbol of peace and stressed that the Manicoid, not eat it. The Middleman then used the watch after the Doctor's inevitable obduction to track him to KBTTF T.V. Broadcast Studio where Dr. Gilbert M. Sullivan filmed his television show. After finding a secret room filled with mounted heads the Middleman and Wendy found the watch, but not Dr. Newleaf. Dr. Gill entered in hunting garb, including pith helmet, and confessed to hunting down the Manicoids, and after his father died shooting down the first Manicoid ship, using it to teleport the Manicoids to his private hunting reserve and hunt them down. After a brief firefight Dr. Gill began to teleport himself to his reserve, Wendy dove into the teleporter just as it sent them both. Wendy then spent the afternoon running from Dr. Gill, when she encountered Dr. Newleaf she decided to confront the Dr. since he couldn't possibly make her day any worse. She confessed to the doctor about her past boyfriend troubles, until a beam of red light burst from the sky and evaporated Dr. Gill. A Manicoid spaceship landed and the Middleman stepped out, Dr. Newleaf and Wendy boarded it to head for home, thus saving the world. The Flying Fish Zombification The Middleman receives a call about a man who was attacked by his wife during a camping trip in the local woods. The Middleman and Wendy respond by speaking to the man in the hospital, he said that his wife Bonnie Blue was by the pond washing up and when she came back she was a yellow eyed, sharp teethed zombie. Bonnie proceeded to throw a recreation vehicle and attempted to eat the face of her husband who escaped into the woods. The Middleman and Wendy later apprehended Bonnie at a local fish market and after using the HEAL they determined that the case was a bite from a Peruvian Flying Pike and the cure requires the pineal fluid from a like Pike. While investigating the area of the incident with Bonnie Wendy is attacked by a Flying Pike and beat it to death with a rock. On the tail however was a tag leading the Middleman and Wendy to the Odyssey & Oracle Exotic Fish Hatchery. After arriving at the Hatchery the team was ambushed by a group of shotgun wielding hatchery guards led by Shotgun Joe and after using Pain's River overpowered them. Following a short interrogation the Middleman and Wendy learned that their target was a man named Mr. White. News reaches the Middleman and Wendy of another trout zombie attack in progress, and after treating this zombie the victim explained that she wanted to be a model for !!!!. The Middleman felt compelled to investigate this, upon arrival Mr White, who was in fact Shotgun Joe explains the details of his plan, selling his concoction as an energy drink to turn the world into trout zombies, and sics three zombie models on the Middleman and Wendy. While hiding the Middleman teaches Wendy the Devil's Dance, which they use on the models. Realizing that they could never catch Mr. White now, Wendy believes the world is doomed, however the Middleman shows Wendy that her spare key allows for the deployment of a rocket engine from the top of her Middlemobile. Wendy and the Middleman overpower Mr. White just before his product went into a test market, thus saving the world. The Boyband Superfan Interrogation A rip in the fabric of the space has been opened and happened to suck in a duck. The Middleman dispersed the crowd by claiming the obscure scene was street magic. The Middleman asks Ida to locate what generated the warphole on the HEYDAR. But she is crashed by another HEYDAR nearby. Ida tracks the HEYDAR to the home of a nearby college professor, Dr. Elliot Marshall. After questioning the professor, the Middleman and Wendy come to the conclusion that he could not have created the HEYDAR, and that the lab in his home could not be his, due to his mechanical incompetence and the fact that the lab's tables were remarkably low. However Cindy Marshall, the professor's daughter, arrives, and then after snatching the black box that the Middleman had found in the lab, escaped. The Middleman and Wendy returned to the Middleman HQ to find it had been attacked. They enter the HEYDAR room and find Ida, as well as Cindy, who was apprehended and interrogated. As it turns out Cindy was actually Commander Mark II Clotharian Ree of the rebel fleet from the war torn Clothar Galaxy, and was on a misson to stop the Clotharian dictators who were disguised as a boy band called Varsity Fanclub from opening up a warphole back to Clothar IV. Meanwhile Interrodroid 4000 who was taking over for Ida, played a message from High Aldwin Supreme Commander of the Clotharian Rebel Fleet, who demanded the release of Cindy so she could complete her mission, or the Clotharians would be forced to destroy the Earth and prevent Varsity Fanclub's escape. However to prevent their escape, Cindy must use a device which requires Ida's battery to function. The Middleman is faced with loosing Ida, or the world, and chooses to sacrifice Ida. The Middleman and Wendy head to the Varsity Fanclub concert to try and find an alternative to killing Ida. While back stage they see Cindy shot by the Fanclub's security. The Middleman is forced to complete Cindy's mission, thus saving the world. The Cursed Tuba Contingency Wendy gets a red ball from O2STK, a man recently drowned; which isn't that odd, except that he did so while in bed at the Pickinpah Hotel. The Middleman and Wendy investigate only to find a CIA Agent Cecil Rogers is already on the case, and by measuring salination levels determined the man died in waters from the cold waters of the North Atlantic. The Middleman dismissed Rogers and soon enough more CIA enter, and say they've never heard of any agent Rogers. The body was identified as Arty Atkins or Double A, a local fence. Ida ran a search on all of his phone records and known clients which led them to Johnny John. They arrived at Johnny's apartment, and he greeted them, asking them to wait five minutes because he had a beautiful girl in his apartment and that has never happened to him before. The pair agrees to wait outside while some increasingly violent noises emanate from the apartment. The Middleman kicks down the door and finds a Succubus attacking Johnny. The Middleman takes hold of the Succubus and uses her as leverage to get answers out of Johnny. They learn that they had stolen a valuable Tuba from a local bank. The Succubus however, leads them to Roxy Wasserman, and learn that she wanted the tuba but hadn't originally planned to steal it. Ida runs a search on the HEYDAR and after hours of searching, locates the tuba in the possession of Artarau Arroyo son of Gabriel Arroyo owner of the hotel where Double A died. The Middleman and Wendy go to the Edward J. Smith Public High School band tryouts in an attempt to recover the tuba, however it was again stolen by none other the Cecil Rogers, who after was shot outside the school. Preparing to do first aid the Middleman opens his shirt, to see the wound heal itself, Cecil was immortal. The team brought Cecil back to Middleman Headquarters for questioning, and found out he had no less then eight alias dating back to the tuba player on the Titanic. Cecil admitted to being the tuba player, however he received a curse after taking the seats of a child with polio and his blind mother, as long as that tuba is in tact, Cecil cannot die. The tuba was taken by none other then billionaire oilman Arthur Mendleson, who was a know Titanic fetishist and was hosting a party on his private ocean liner, which is three feet longer then the Queen Mary, and eighty-six feet longer then the Titanic. The Middleman and Wendy dress up to attend the party, and while Lacey helps Wendy with her hair, Lacey decides she would also like to attend the party and, after her mother swings her a ticket, invites Noser as her guest. While searching the ship for the tuba the Middleman and Wendy are captured by Mendleson, who doesn't believe in the tuba's curse. After he leaves Cecil steps out of the shadows, revealing that he planned to play the Tuba and prevent anyone from knowing his secret, then leaves to execute it. The Middleman resorts to texting Lacey for help, and she arrives rescuing the team, and suspects that there is more to their jobs then they had admitted. When the team returns to the deck Cecil runs, hoping to escape long enough to play a fatal note. Wendy however fires a spear gun into the tuba and knocks Cecil overboard, thus saving the world. The Ectoplasmic Panhellenic Investigation Campus Police at Reitman University apprehended a freshman named Lewis who called them, claiming to have seen a ghost while he was wearing a dress and infiltrating a sorority house for his Theta Theta Gamma frat pledge. The Middleman and Wendy went and retrieved Lewis from the campus police and learned that due to his recent Pineal Gland removal surgery he could now see and hear ghosts. Wendy was assigned to go undercover, but only after reviewing the Moscow Rules with her. While assembling her Psychokinesis Meter, Wendy was accosted by Ali who questioned Wendy's cover, but after a quick girl talk, Wendy proved that she knew the Omega handshake, upon which Ali stated that they "needed to talk," soon after Eleanor Draper who has been watching Ali like a hawk. Armed with a pair of Pineal Glasses Wendy could see, but not hear the ghosts. She determined that the apparitions were the Ghosts of the Living of Omega Theta Nu's officers. The girls tried to warn Wendy before a canvas bag was slipped over her head, breaking her glasses; she was brought out to what turned out to be an official welcoming of Wendy to their house. While Ali officially welcomed Wendy, the other girls were doing the official welcome cheer, except for the officers, who didn't seem to know it. Ali tells Wendy that there is something wrong with them, and especially with Eleanor, who wasn't even a sister. Recruiting Lewis for help, Wendy learned that the ghosts didn't know what had happened to them, only that the last thing they remembered was being invited to a frat party at the Physics building. Wendy called the Middleman and sent him there straight away. The Middleman arrived on the scene and was confronted by Eleanor, who had constructed a Quantum Processor to send the souls of her friends into the bodies of the sorority officers. Elanor then activated the machine and possessed the Middleman. Wendy met up with Eleanor in the Middleman's body, and she sent Wendy home for the afternoon. Wendy got home but was soon visited by Lewis, who claimed that the Middleman was there in spirit form and wouldn't leave him alone. After proving that it was really him, they ran off to the sorority house to stop Eleanor's plot to throw a wild party and get the Omega's charter revoked since they refused her. After a fight Eleanor got into the Middlemobile and went straight to Middleman HQ. Wendy contacted Ida and she confirmed that the Middleman wasn't the Middleman, and got ready to take her out with a tranquilizer when she activated the Emergency Lockdown Procedure, thus trapping herself in the HEYDAR Room before activating the self-destruct, which would destroy the Middleman's body, but send her soul back to her own body. Meanwhile, Wendy and Lewis entered the Physics building and shut down the Quantum Processor, returning all their souls to their original bodies, but not before Ida reached the Middleman and knocked him out. Eleanor was sent to Greenland, thus saving the world. The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown Klebbs Fine Jewels was recently melted and over seven figures worth of jewelry was stolen. The Middleman and Wendy consult the Middlelore inside the Archive Room and determine that the one responsible for the melting must have been The Candle, a villain last seen October of 1969. The Middleman orders a search for The Candle on the HEYDAR, an order which see ignores, instead she revives the 1969 Middleman who was contained in the Middleman Cryogenics Vault. The '69 Middleman quickly comes up with a plan to catch the Candle by putting up an add in the Thrifty Nickel for Balthorium G. While on a stakeout the Middleman apprehends the Candle, who happens to be a young man who knew the real Candle before he died and took the Melting ray to get rich. 1969 Middleman is all for using brutal interrogation techniques, but the present day Middleman prevents him, and then forces him to retire. After finishing his retirement, Guy Goddard, the 1969 Middleman's real name, confronts Wendy, and asks her to help him catch the Candle. They both attend a game of Shiboomi, Guy excuses himself to go to the restroom, and Wendy takes his place at the table. Soon one of the other players is caught cheating, and was about to be executed, Wendy drew her Middlegun to prevent the attack. Soon enough the Middleman arrived to save the day and the pair went off to find Guy. They found him by the vault, which had been melted, along with his left hand. Together they went to the Candle's lair on Snake Island, using the Middlesub. Once inside they split up, and the Middleman found himself trapped by a slowly rotating melting ray. Guy tried to convince Wendy that the Middleman had died, but she went after him, to find him alive, but in a pickle. Guy soon revealed that the Melting Ray had no off switch, and so in a heroic display of sacrifice, destroyed the machine using his new Middlehook, thus saving the world. The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation Noser recently went missing, and no one seemed to know anything of his disappearance. And during a party at their sublet, Jamie the Tarot Girl reports that "Little Noser will be torn limb from limb." However, after Wendy is called into work, Lacey is forced to search for him alone. Wendy arrived at Middleman HQ and found Ida and the Middleman preparing an arsenal of stakes(made only of the Purest Carpathian Wood); which could only mean one thing, vampires. The duos current mission is to go to an auction of Vlad the Impaler's former possessions at the Altair Auction House, and look for any items which may be cursed. The last item of the collection was a puppet called Little Vladdy. Before selling the item, the auctioneer sticks his arm into the dummy he became possessed by the spirit of Dracula. The puppet escapes by turning into a bat puppet and carries away the auctioneer with it. Back at the sublet Lacey questions Anvil, who has not seen Noser for a few days. Using some of her seductive powers, Lacey learns from Pip that Joe Ninety handles all of the building's security. Joe shows Lacey the surveillance tapes with Noser meeting a strange Eastern European woman, picking up Noser in a taxi. Meanwhile, the Middleman and Wendy interrogate Renfield Rehnquist, who was the last man to wear Vladdy, and lost his arm in the process of escaping the Puppet's evil clutches. Using puppet psychology, the Middleman learns that Vlad and his wife Elizabeth Rousset were killed by the townspeople who lived near their castle. Their blood fell upon Vladdy and Little Lizzie trapping their souls deep within the wood. Also, if Vladdy and Lizzie were ever married, on the arms of two people who were in love, they could return to their human forms and cast the world into an Eternal Night of Blood. Lizzie happens to be at the Middleman HQ, the team rushed back to HQ to contain the puppet. Vladdy however has already arrived at HQ and taken Lizzie, he escapes shortly after biting the Middleman. After receiving the Anti-vampire vaccine, the pair race to the only place Vladdy could easily hide the MacFarlane and Gray Hotel Spa and Convention Center which was currently host to the International Ventriloquism Grand Championships. Lacey has tracked Noser to this same convention. Unluckily Lizzie has possessed Lacey, and in order to save her, the Middleman sacrifices himself by putting on Vladdy, leaving it to Wendy to stop the Eternal Night of Blood. Wendy finds out that Young Noser, who is Noser's puppet is made out of the Purest Carpathian Wood, she then rends him limb from limb (unknowingly fulfilling Jamie's prophecy) and uses the makeshift stake to kill the newly reincarnated Vlad and Elizabeth, thus saving the world. The Clotharian Contamination Protocol The Middleman discovers NASA's VOYAGER 2 was rapidly heading back towards Earth, and since the probe was spent on a one way mission away from the planet, it's return has sparked O2STK's interest. The Middleman and Wendy bring the remains of the probe back to HQ to examine it for threats, however the Hyper-Secure Bio-Containment Box explodes and releases a potentially harmful toxin into the air. They two head to the Decontamination Room, and after cleaning up, notice Ida isn't getting any closer to letting them out. In fact, the video feed of her is on a loop. After activating emergency protocol, the Middleman and Wendy use the Mini-HEYDAR's shrink ray to allow Wendy to go inside of Ida and press her reset button. Upon reaching the center of Ida's brain, Wendy finds that it has already been deconstructed by the Nano-Bots which have infected Ida. A minuscule Ida, inside of Ida's brain suggests that Wendy send Ida back to O2STK to be destroyed, however, since time is of the essence, Wendy has to think of a plan to escape Ida in one piece. Wendy allows the Nano-bots to surround her and tells the Middleman to unshrink her, and according to plan, the indestructible Nano-bots with her, saving her from being crushed against the inside of Ida's head. Ida was sent back to O2STK and destroyed, thus saving the world. The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome The Doomsday Armageddon Apocalypse Appearance and Personality Prior to adopting his "clean cut" look in honor of Raveena Rao, Clarence Colton wore his hair long, with a goatee. After becoming the Middleman, he adopted a shorter hair style, remained clean shaven, and wore an Eisenhower jacket. Though he told Wendy he wore the jacket, "Because it's named after a man who led soldiers through harsh times against the darkest of evils", he had also selected it in honor of Raveena, who had originally worn the same uniform. Vowing to be clean in mind and manner as well as appearance, the Middleman almost never cursed. He has a fondness for drinking milk (and drinks four glasses a day), apparently for its health benefits. He listens to country music, especially being a fan of Jimmie Rodgers and the Carter Family. He also likes Western movies, and is a fan of Randolph Scott. Though normally an even-tempered and very patient man, the Middleman does have some pet peeves. He is very disdainful toward Communism (referring to the Soviet Union as "the red menace"), perhaps due to his days as a serviceman. He is rather intensely contemptuous of plagiarism and plagiarists; when he discovers that Wendy has been plagiarized, he threatens rather extreme physical harm to the culprit. Relatedly, he is also very protective of his protege, Wendy Watson. Snappy Expressions Due to his determined refusal to cuss under any but the most extreme circumstances, the Middleman employs a staggering variety of unusual phrases instead, which may be found here. Skills and Abilities Though ordinarily very restrained unless anything less than the fate of the world is at stake, the Middleman is exceptionally capable of harming others. His time as a Navy SEAL has taught him "over four hundred fifty-six ways of causing pain", and his status as Sensei Ping's favorite apprentice has armed him with all the Sensei's considerable knowledge as well. At the Dread Pyramid of Itzilichlitlichlitzl, he defeated over seventy-five men in hand-to-hand combat before being subdued, an achievement that impressed even Sensei Ping. The Middleman is also incredibly physically tough, able to shrug off a full-power punch to the face from fellow Middleman Guy Goddard without even a wince. He betrayed only a slight grimace of pain and touched his jaw after receiving a punch from succubus Roxy Wasserman, a soul-sucking demon from Hell. Due to his SEAL training, he is also an excellent marksman, and has the occasionally useful ability to stay dry even when others get wet. The Middleman is a phenomenal polyglot, speaking at least nineteen languages fluently (eighteen Earth languages, as well as Manicoid). The human languages he is known to speak include English, French, Hebrew, and Mandarin Chinese. He can read Clotharian, though it is not clear whether he can speak it. The Middleman's self-professed only area of weakness is magic. He has a high level understanding of advanced (and mad) science, and is more than passingly familiar with multiple alien cultures; indeed, his knowledge of Clotharian law is impressive even to Clotharians. Relationships Romance The Mix Tape Girl As revealed in "The Accidental Occidental Conception", in his senior year at Ann Arbor High School in 1991, Clarence Colton dated a fellow student who made him a mix tape. Among the songs featured on the tape was Bryan Adams's hit song, (Everything I Do) I Do It For You. Clarence was so distracted by his feelings for the girl that he failed to protect his quarterback, who was tackled by a member of the opposing team and suffered a broken knee. What happened between Clarence and the mix tape girl afterward is unclear, but his self-loathing over failing to do his duty might have driven them apart. Raveena Rao Clarence was recruited into the service of O2STK by then-Middleman Raveena Rao. Under her influence, he shifted away from the "C.O.-punching hothead" he had been and became a mature, honorable defender of good and foe of evil. After a time of serving together, Clarence and Raveena fell in love. They continued to serve together until Raveena fell ill with leukemia and died. When he became the new Middleman, Clarence swore to live clean and forsake vice, in hopes of seeing Raveena again in the afterlife. His love for her did not end with her death, but instead lasted for the rest of his life, so much that it prevented him for a very long time from loving anyone else. He was very private about his secret love for Raveena, speaking very little about his past and showing irritation when Wendy continued to question him. After employing the power of Chac-Mol in "The Doomsday Armageddon Apocalypse", Clarence got his wish when he arrived in the Underworld and was greeted by Raveena. The two shared a brief tender moment before returning to the real world to save the day. Lacey Thornfield "You're like every one of the heroes I admire. You take charge and protect the ones you love. It's inspiring." *The Middleman, to Lacey The Middleman and Lacey first met during the events of "The Pilot Episode Sanction" while the Middleman was about to beat up Ben Stanley. Lacey was immediately smitten with him, and in their subsequent meetings his mere presence and gentle, "Hello, Lacey," was usually enough to make her dizzy. Not knowing his name, she referred to him as "sexy bossman" and "pillow lips". On his part, the Middleman had great respect for Lacey's spirit and enthusiasm, and concern for her if she appeared to be in trouble. When Lacey's curiosity about Wendy's mysterious "temp job" drove her to follow the Middleman to a showing of Ride Lonesome, the two decided to see the matinee together and it became something of a date, before the Middleman was called away with a redball. They had one more interrupted date before the Middleman realized that involvement with Lacey would subject her to the dangers of his world, and broke off their budding relationship. During the event of "The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation", Vladdy bit the Middleman and discovered that his feelings for Lacey were not mere affection, but true love. After Lizzie captured Lacey, Vladdy forced the Middleman to don him so the two evil puppets could marry on the arms of two people in true love, and thus regain human form. The Middleman and Lacey were married briefly before Wendy arrived to kill the two vampire puppets and save the day. Though the ceremony was not legally binding, the Middleman was very quiet and reflective, wrestling with his now-undeniable love for Lacey and his lingering love for Raveena Rao. During "The Doomsday Armageddon Apocalypse", the Middleman was so embroiled in his internal debate that he failed to see an ambush coming, and escaped only by great skill and sheer luck. Frustrated, he went to Lacey's apartment and kissed her passionately, only to be called back to duty by Wendy. Later, when Manservant Neville employed the power of the Polyditetrahexamono-Trioctalon, he gave Lacey leukemia -- the same disease that had killed Raveena Rao. Enraged, the Middleman invoked the power of Chac-Mol to stop Manservent Neville. Once the battle had been won, he consequently needed to make "the ultimate sacrifice", the cost for using Chac-Mol's power. Though Wendy initially feared "the ultimate sacrifice" would be the Middleman's death, she was stunned and thrilled to see him alive the next day. However, "the ultimate sacrifice" was soon revealed: Lacey had no memory of ever meeting the Middleman, and no feelings for him. It was not life, but true love that the Middleman gave up to save the world. Camaraderie Wendy Watson "You taught me that there are things in life worth dying for. And I'm so glad I got attacked by that tentacled ass-monster back at the lab, and that you framed me so I'd have to be your sidekick, because...I am so proud to be a Middleman. And proud to know you. And I want you to know, that since my dad disappeared, you're the closest thing I've had to a father." *Wendy's Code 47, to the Middleman Initially after recruiting Wendy Watson, the Middleman and Wendy were occasionally at odds, with his calm, collected, and clean character occasionally contrasting with what Dr. Newleaf called Wendy's "rash and impetuous" nature. In time, though, the two bonded and became very close, and elements of the Middleman's personality began to rub off on Wendy. The Middleman looked on Wendy as "a brother", and she in turn came to view him as a father figure. The Middleman was exceptionally protective of Wendy, and when he discovered she had been plagiarized by Pip, he had to be repeatedly talked down from causing Pip serious physical harm. When it seemed that Wendy was about to die during the events of "The Clotharian Contamination Protocol", the Middleman was reduced to tears, the only time he is ever seen to cry in the entire series. When Wendy was sucked through a quantum singularity in "The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome", the Middleman obsessed over the Real-Time Situation Recording Archive until he finally discovered a way to rescue Wendy. Ida "Sorry sugar buns, but there can only be one Middleman, and he's it." *Ida, to Guy Goddard, about the Middleman The Middleman was very fond of Ida, despite her being "a soulless android from outer space". Their service together forged a bond between the two, and when Ida was permanently disabled in "The Boyband Superfan Interrogation", the Middleman held a small service for her, mourning her by playing Taps on his father's bugle. For her part, Ida tended to treat the Middleman with the same sarcasm she treated everyone, but was as fond of him as she could be nonetheless. She referred to him as "the big green cheese", in reference to his green Eisenhower jacket, and stepped into defend him from Guy Goddard when the two came to blows. She also seemed concerned about her boss's obsession with the Real-Time Situation Recording Archive recording of Wendy being sucked through the quantum singularity in "The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome". Personal Trivia *Despite his proficiency with firearms, in all of Season 1 the Middleman managed never to kill an enemy with his Middle-Gun. The closest he came was the Terra Cotta warrior he shot in "The Accidental Occidental Conception", who reformed immediately after. This is not counting, however, the death of Dr. Gil. *The Middleman has cursed three times on record: Once in "The Pilot Episode Sanction", when Spanky escaped into a gorilla preserve; once in "The Doomsday Armageddon Apocalypse" out of exasperation at Wendy's repeated prying into his past love life, and again in the same episode in anger that he had been distracted and nearly gotten himself and Wendy killed. *The Middleman is apparently a church-goer, though his religious background is never discussed (in "The Ectoplasmic Panhellenic Investigation", "Church" was the first pre-programmed destination for the Middlemobile). *The Middleman's theme song is the twangy country tune "Palomino", by show composer Tree Adams. Snippets have been featured in two episodes; "The Pilot Episode Sanction", when it is played in the Middlemobile, and "The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum", when it is played as the Middleman comes to Wendy's rescue. Category:Characters